Parenting Pitfalls

Even with almost two decades of experience, raising a son, I hardly feel qualified to offer any advice at all on the subject of parenting. The material in this article is compiled from many sources, both in print and on the Internet. The solutions to the problems mentioned are entirely Biblical. As I have said many times before: I am not a counselor, but I can tell you what the Bible says about whatever challenge you are facing.

Over Praising

It has been reported that many young adults enter the workforce with a profound sense of entitlement. They expect success, even if they have done little or nothing to earn it. Some assume that they will be quickly promoted, even if they have not yet mastered their job. Others think that they are special and deserve to be treated that way. They all become dejected when they find out that the world does not share their view.

Sometimes, this sense of entitlement can be traced back to how one was raised. Many parents have bought-into the idea that, if a little praise is good for a child, then a lot of praise must be even better. The modern crusade for self-esteem has taught parents that children must never be made to feel bad about themselves—no matter what. So, many parents lavish a constant flow of praise on their children and never admonish them, when they do something wrong. They teach their kids to feel good about themselves, instead of teaching them to accomplish things they can feel good about.

The Bible teaches that praise is appropriate when it is deserved (Matthew 25:19-21). But failing to teach children humility is depriving them of an essential ingredient in their character. “For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself” (Galatians 6:3). It is no wonder that the Bible says, “Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die” (Proverbs 23:13).

Over Protecting

It has been reported that many young adults enter the workforce with no ability to cope with adversity. Some a devastated by the slightest criticism. Others are finicky and will only accept jobs that meet their highest expectations. Some believe that this is the result of overprotective parenting. It is understandable that parents want to protect their children, but some take this desire to extremes. Your daughter failed a test? Demand that the teacher raise her grade. Your son received a traffic ticket? Pay the fine for him. A failed romance? Lay all the blame on the other person. These things will leave a child ill-prepared for the real world.

The Bible teaches us that adversity is a natural part of life. A wise man once said, “I returned and saw under the sun that – the race is not to the swift, nor that battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to men of understanding, nor favor to men of skill; but time and chance happen to them all” (Ecclesiastes 9:11). We must teach our children to emulate the example of Paul, who wrote, “for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content” (Philippians 4:11-12).

Over Providing

Go to the local high school and ask any young person what their most important goal in life is. Most of them are liable to say, “Getting rich.” The problem is that people who focus on the gain of material things are much less happy in life. They suffer a much higher rate of physical and mental illness.

This phenomenon can be traced to children being raised in a materialistic environment. From a desire to make children happy, some parents simply buy them whatever they may happen to want. This may make kids happy for a while, but it is not long before they will want something else. For this reason, many young adults bankrupt themselves in an attempt to acquire a lifestyle it took their parents a lifetime to achieve.

The Bible warns us against the desire to “get rich quick” (Proverbs 28:22). We owe it to our children to teach them that love of God is vastly more important than love of money. “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows” (1 Timothy 6:10). Instead, we must teach our children to be content with having the necessities of life and to be generous with what God has provided them (1 Timothy 6:8-9; Galatians 6:10).