Bereavement

When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my broth­er would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” (John 11:32-36).

Times of bereavement are among the most traumatic and stressful of our lives.

It is then that we really need the love and support of friends. Yet, often it is during these difficult times of bereavement that many feel most alone. It is not that others don’t care, it is the simple fact that many folks don’t know what to say or do so they stay away. The following suggestions are offered in the hope that they will be helpful.

• First, it is important just to be there during a time of bereavement. Your presence will mean a lot. It is not necessary to say anything. A warm em­brace, a loving touch, a gentle tear will say it all.
• Second, avoid saying the wrong things. It is best to simply say, “I’m sorry.” Don’t offer explanations. Especially don’t blame God. Those who have lost a loved one find little comfort in such things as “God always takes the best first,” or “He needed another angel in heaven.” There is also little comfort in hearing, “I know just how you feel.” Since folks deal with grief and bereavement in different ways, seldom, if ever, do we know how another feels.
• Third, don’t be afraid to mourn and enter into bereavement yourself. Even Jesus wept as he made his way to Lazarus’ tomb. Tears are therapeutic. As the scriptures teach, it is appropriate to weep with those that weep (Romans 12:15).
• Fourth, be a good listener. People need talk about their feelings, their fears, and even their future. Again, it is not necessary to offer answers. A listening ear is all that is needed.
• Fifth, do something helpful. Bake a pie, mow the lawn, wash the car, or run the vacuum. Don’t ask, just fill the need yo see. When someone dies, these things still have to be done. Actions always speak louder than words. Love not only in word but also in deed (1 John 3:18).
• Finally, make a special effort to stay in touch following the memorial service. Some have a much more difficult time accepting and adjusting to their loss than others and the time of bereavement continues. Friends and family can be very helpful during this time. Depending on the individual, the period of mourning may run from a few weeks to many months. There will always be days that are more difficult. Holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries are especially sad. A cheerful card, an invitation to lunch, or an inexpensive gift will mean much.

Death is a part of life.

The loss of a loved one is made easier when we are surrounded by others who care and share our sorrow.