Historical Posts
Nurture and Admonition of the Lord
Parents are responsible to teach about Biblical marriage.
Parents, have you considered the fact that it is now entirely up to you to teach your children about Biblical marriage? Once upon a time, in our society, the Biblical definition of marriage was the only one that people knew. It was what was accepted as “normal.” It was the ideal to which everyone aspired. But, that is no longer the case.
Schools, television and internet teach Biblical marriage is oppressive.
Today, our children are being incorrectly taught at school, on television, and on the Internet that the Biblical definition of marriage is wrong, oppressive, and a big part of what is wrong with our society. This idea has been presented to us in very subtle ways, for the past 50 years, but now that marriage has been successfully redefined and reinvented in our courts, there is no longer any need for subtlety. Sadly, society is not going to present a positive view of Biblical marriage anymore. This mean it is up to Christian parents to teach their children things that were once universally accepted by all.
Care about our children means we must “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord”.
We must not fail to teach the truth to our children, or the definition of Biblical marriage might become something that is unknown to an entire generation. With the immoral changes that have come to pass in modern society, the world is a much more dangerous place for spiritually minded people than it ever was before. Care about our children means we must “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). We cannot take it for granted that they will learn anything correct about marriage from the world around them. We cannot even take it for granted that the teaching they receive at church will be enough.
It is our parental responsibility.
Children need their parents to direct them and show them the way that they ought to go, in life (Proverbs 22:6). It’s a topsy-turvy world. Our kids are going to live in it and they need to be armed with knowledge of God’s Word, and a good example to follow. It is our parental responsibility.
What Can I Do To Make My Marriage Happy
The best advice on how to make a happy marriage is in the New Testament.
Although most people in troubled relationships look elsewhere, some of the best advice on how to have a happy marriage can be found in the New Testament. The one passage that says the most on marriage is Ephesians 5:22-33. In its entirety, the passage reads as follows:
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave him-self for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
In these verses, Paul discussed Christ’s relationship with His church, but to make his point he revealed many inspired facts about how the husband and wife relationship is sup-posed to work in marriage. He declared that the husband is to be the “head” of the wife, in the same way that Christ is the “head” of the church (Ephesians 5:23). In His role as the Head of the church, Jesus provides for its needs (Matthew 6:33), leads it in the way it ought to go (1 Peter 2:21), and strives to keep it from falling apart (John 17:20-21). These are the same responsibilities that God has placed upon husbands, in a marriage relationship. A husband must provide for the needs of his wife (2 Timothy 5:8). He must take the lead, in guiding his family down the right spiritual path (Ephesians 6:4). He must be diligent in doing all that he can do to promote unity and harmony of his home (Matthew 19:6b). Note that Bible does not indicate, in any passage, that husbands are to be the dictators of their homes, oppressing their wives and children into submission. Some have attempted to us the Bible to justify abusive behavior, but the Bible offers no such justification. The truth is that, in today’s world, many marriages fail, because of husbands who neglect their responsibilities as the “head” of the home.
Paul also stressed that husbands are to “love” their wives, in the same way that Christ “loved” the church, pointing out that He “gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25). Jesus’ love for the church was pure, absolute, and unconditional. So must a husband’s love be for his wife (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Paul reminded husbands that the love they have for their wives ought to be in proportion to the love they have for themselves; indicating that the “golden rule” ought to be observed in marriage, as in life (Ephesians 5:28-29; Matthew 7:12). Love that sustains a marriage through the years is more than just a feeling. It is a commitment that creates a symbiotic bond, which makes it seem impossible for the husband to exist without the wife and vice versa.
Paul did admonish wives to “submit” to their husbands, in the same way that the church submits to the Lord (Ephesians 5:22). This does not mean that women must adopt a subservient role in their homes and marriage, having no voice in how their families are run. As a matter of fact, in situations where the husband either cannot or will not fulfill his responsibilities as “head” of the house, the wife must step up and do what needs to be done. In doing so, she fulfills her role as “keeper” of the home (Titus 2:3-5). When a husband faithfully fulfills his role as the “head” of the home, his wife must recognize that he is acting in the best interests of the family, and “submit” to his leadership. In doing so, she fulfills her role as “an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18). A wife is to be supportive of her husband’s leadership in the marriage and home. This is what it means for her to “reverence” her husband. If she does not give him the support he needs, then the home may be in danger of breaking apart.
Musings on Marriage
June used to be the month for weddings. Times have changed and one month is almost as popular as another anymore. Nevertheless, when June comes around marriage is still on the minds of a lot of folks.
Weddings are stressful, but happy times for families. They are generally expensive, time consuming, labor intensive undertakings. But, they are packed with promise and enough memories to fill the heart with joy for a lifetime.
Few decisions in life have greater potential for bringing happiness to our lives than the choice of our life’s companion. The original intent of the Creator was for one man and one woman to be joined for life in the bonds of holy matrimony (Genesis 2:18-24). Marriage was designed by God to satisfy our longing for companionship and intimacy, and to provide an appropriate setting for reproduction and child rearing. Marriage, as God intended it, brings permanence and stability to society.
Sadly, not everyone comes to marriage with the commitment to the institution, the laws of God, or their mate which marriage demands. There are probably few events in life which bring more heartache and misery to lives than the trauma of divorce. Divorce is seldom the right choice. God hates it (Malachi 2:16).
Given the seriousness of marriage, it is not a decision which should be entered into lightly. And, once made, it should not be dissolved easily or hastily.
There are no problems in troubled marriages which lack solutions. There are only people who refuse to find and accept them. A failure to honor God’s plan for marriage will take a heavy physical, emotional, and spiritual toll!
To those who are contemplating marriage this month, and in the months ahead, please be true to your commitment. There are no perfect marriages, because there are no perfect people. But, if we are true to God’s laws, and faithful to our vows, we will be richly blessed in marriage.
If you find yourself in a troubled marriage, seek solutions not dissolution.
Questions and Answers 2012-09-30 – audio
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I. Question One – WHY DID GOD ALLOW CONCUBINES IN THE OLD TESTAMENT? WHY CAN’T WE HAVE MORE THAN ONE WIFE?
A. As to the first question… Why did God allow concubines?
1. God allows us to make our own decisions.
2. That does not mean that He approves of those decisions.
3. To my knowledge, there is no hint anywhere in the Scriptures that God approved of polygamy.
4. The only argument that could be made to suggest that God approved of polygamy would be that so many men whom are presented as being righteous had multiple wives and God never openly rebuked them.
a) That, however, does not prove that God approved of polygamy.
b) These men undoubtedly had other sin in their lives where there is no account of God openly rebuking them.
c) For example… Noah’s drunkenness after the flood.
5. Perhaps also, this is a sin that God “overlooked” because of the way that women were treated in that day. Acts 17:30. Truly, these times of ignorance God overlooked, but now commands all men everywhere to repent.
B. Why can’t we have more than one wife today?
1. Matthew 19:4-6. And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
a) Male and female. Not male and females.
b) Man shall be joined to his wife. Not, “Man shall be joined to his wives.”
c) Two shall become one flesh. Not three, four, five, 701 shall become one flesh.
2. Romans 7:3. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.
a) This passage tells us that a woman who marries another man while her previous husband is still alive is to be called an adulteress.
b) Would not the same be true for the husband marrying another wife?
c) Absolutely!
II. Question Two – CAN WE VISIT OTHER CHURCHES OF CHRIST? IS THIS GOOD OR BAD?
A. There is nothing wrong with visiting other churches of Christ.
1. It can be a very good thing.
2. Some congregations are struggling and appreciate the encouragement.
3. It doesn’t have be a Sunday service.
a) Sings.
b) Gospel Meetings.
B. A few words of caution…
1. A “Church of Christ” sign out front does not necessarily mean that a congregation is sound.
a) Sometimes, when we are travelling, we may go visit a place because it calls itself a church of Christ but then be utterly shocked when we get into the service.
b) It is wise to do a little research about a congregation if you are not sure where they stand.
c) People do that all the time with us. I receive calls regularly from members of the church who are going to be coming to the area and are looking for a place to worship.
2. Don’t forget that your home congregation needs you too.
a) Some people just like to wander around to various congregations and never really settle down.
b) There are many advantages to having a home congregation.
(1) An eldership to look out for you. (Unfortunately, this is why some like to wander around. They don’t want an eldership looking out for them.)
(2) Stronger relationships with brethren who know you and know your needs.
(3) More opportunities for involvement.
c) Those who are constantly (weekly) visiting other congregations are missing out on many of the blessings of having a home congregation.
III. Question Three – IF SOMEONE COMES TO CHURCH BUT THEIR HEART ISN’T IN IT… WHAT TO DO TO CHANGE THIS ACTION.
A. What do we mean by “their heart isn’t in it” ???
1. Do we mean that their emotions are not stirred?
2. Do we mean that they don’t get anything out of worship?
3. Do we mean that they don’t want to be there?
4. I am going to assume, for this question, that it is a combination of all three of these things.
B. If the someone is yourself…
1. We are all human.
2. There are going to be days when it is all we can do to make it to services.
a) Sickness.
b) Emotional issues.
c) Etc.
d) During such times, we might not even remember the topic of the sermon or what songs were sung.
e) It is all we can do to be present.
3. But what if this is a weekly occurrence?
a) This has to be a lack of focus!
b) First of all – prepare for services by:
(1) Remember what you are about to do and why.
(a) You are about to worship (pay your respects to) your Creator, Sustainer, and Savior!
(b) You do this because you are grateful for what God has done for you.
(c) If we can’t get our heart into this then there is something wrong with us! Psalm 122:1. I was glad when they said to me, “Let us go into the house of the Lord.”
(d) (I see this every week from the pulpit.)
(2) Getting a good night’s sleep.
(3) Getting up early enough to get to services on time without rushing around frantically.
c) Focus in on the acts of worship.
(1) Listen to the songs we sing. Colossians 3:16. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
(2) Consider the death of Christ during the Communion service.
(3) Pay attention to the sermon which is God speaking to you through His word.
(4) Pray along with the one leading the prayer.
(5) Give cheerfully thinking of all that God has given to you.
4. Don’t quit coming! We begin to appreciate worship more as we mature.
C. If the someone is someone else…
1. We cannot make someone else actively participate in worship.
2. We cannot make someone else appreciate what Jesus did for them.
3. What we can do:
a) If we are talking about our children…
(1) Educate them by continuing to bring them to services.
(2) Teach them at home.
(3) Show them that we love the Lord.
(4) If your child sees you missing worship for just any reason, what are they going to think about the importance of worship?
b) If we are talking about a spouse…
(1) Again, try to help them realize the importance and purpose of worship.
(2) Set the right example. 1 Peter 3:1-2. Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.
c) If we are talking about anyone else. – Same as above.
IV. WHAT IS THE “JIHAD?” WHO IS ALLAH?
A. Both of these terms are related to the religion of Islam.
1. Islam – to surrender to the will of Allah.
2. Muslim – One who surrenders.
B. Allah.
1. It is an Arabic word that means “the God.”
2. Muslims claim that this is the God of the Bible.
3. However, their view of Allah and the God of the Bible are very different.
a) They don’t view God as a Father. Yet Jesus did. Matthew 6:9. In this manner, therefore, pray: Our Father in heaven, Hallowed be Your name.
b) There is no grace in Islam. Salvation is solely by works. Ephesians 2:8-9. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.
c) They believe that God is arbitrary and causes both good and evil. “Allah leads astray whom he pleases and guides whom he pleases and no one knows the host of the Lord save himself. And every man’s destiny have we fastened upon his neck.”
C. Jihad.
1. The most basic definition is – “struggle.”
2. Muslims believe in three types of Jihad.
a) The believer’s internal struggle to serve Allah.
b) The struggle to build a good Muslim society.
c) Holy War – the struggle to defend Islam, with force if necessary.
3. Muslims argue that the Koran only authorizes Holy War in a defensive fashion.
4. Unfortunately, some Muslims see the traditions of the West and Christianity as a clear threat to Islam and consider any attack they make to be defensive in nature.
5. Surah 9:29. And Fight those who have not faith in God, nor in the Hereafter, and (who) forbid not what God and His Prophet have forbidden and (who) are not committed to the religion of truth, of those who have been brought the Book, until they pay tribute by hand, and they are the low.
V. WHO WAS THE OLDEST PERSON IN THE BIBLE?
A. Methuselah.
B. Genesis 5:27. So all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred and sixty-nine years; and he died.
Delivered on: September 30, 2012. Streetsboro.
Questions and Answers 2010-05-30 – audio
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Podcast: Play in new window | Download
(audio is not great on this one)
I. Question One – Please discuss the withholding of physical intimacy in a marriage.
A. Sometimes, husbands or wives will withhold themselves from their spouse:
1. Because they are not getting along.
2. Because they want to punish their spouse.
B. 1 Corinthians 7:1-5.
Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
C. Several things are made clear from this passage:
1. In order to avoid sexual immorality in a marriage, the husband is not to withhold himself from his wife and the wife is not to withhold herself from her husband.
2. God created us with certain desires which need to be fulfilled. If a husband or wife does not get that need fulfilled by their spouse, the temptation is always there to get it fulfilled in another way.
3. Verse 5 very plainly states that husband and wife are not to deprive one another. To do so is sin!
4. The only exception to this is if the withholding is done…
a) By mutual consent.
b) And the intervening time is filled with fasting and prayer.
II. Question Two – “The Bible tells us to come together on the first day of the week, so we meet on Sunday morning. Why does the church of Christ meet on Sunday night and Wednesday night too? Where did this come from or start?”
A. While we are told to meet on the first day of the week, we must also realize that we certainly are not limited to meeting only once a week.
B. When we look at the practice of the New Testament church, we see that they met daily.
1. Acts 2:46-47. So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved.
2. Verse 47 makes it clear that “continuing daily” involved praising God and evidently teaching because the Lord was adding to the church daily.
3. While they may not have had a full fledged worship service every day, it is clear that they met and worked every day.
4. Wednesday night is simply a time to get together for Bible study and mutual edification.
C. Authority for Wednesday and two services on Sunday is also implied in the charge to elders.
1. Acts 20:28. Therefore take heed to yourselves and to all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood.
2. 1 Peter 5:2. Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly, not for dishonest gain but eagerly;
3. In both of these passages, elders are told to “shepherd” or “feed” the flock.
a) The food is the word of God.
(1) 1 Peter 2:2. As newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby.
(2) Hebrews 5:12-14. For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the first principles of the oracles of God; and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.
b) In order to feed the flock, the elders have set aside certain times to gather together for Bible study.
c) We are obligated to submit to them. Hebrews 13:17. Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.
III. Question Three – “When was Sunday evening worship established in the church?”
A. Put simply, it was established in the first century.
B. Acts 20:7.
Now on the first day of the week, when the disciples came together to break bread, Paul, ready to depart the next day, spoke to them and continued his message until midnight.
C. Evidence seems to suggest that the first century church met in the evenings more often than not.
IV. Question Four – “At what age group should a woman not be allowed to teach in the church? How do you justify the cut-off age scripturally?”
A. Our key passage is 1 Timothy 2:12.
And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence.
B. A woman is not to teach over a man.
1. So the question is, “When does a boy change into a man?”
2. The Bible really doesn’t give us a specific age.
3. Therefore, it is left up to us (or the eldership if there is one) to decide on a policy.
C. One view is that after adolescence, a boy becomes a man.
1. This is more or less the policy followed by our eldership here (at Streetsboro).
2. We try to have men always teach the classes from junior high on up.
3. We have never had a woman teach any ages older than junior high unless the class was split into boys and girls and a woman would teach the girls.
4. Junior High is about right for when a boy enters puberty and begins to become a man physically.
5. Of course, the Jews counted the age of 12 to be when a boy became a man. This coincides with Junior High age.
V. Question Five – “Are members of denominational churches no better off spiritually than if they were not worshipping at all?”
A. Members of a denomination may have a better quality of life than someone who does not worship at all.
B. But in terms of salvation, we know that one must:
1. Hear, believe, confess, repent, and be baptized.
2. If a person is a member of a church that teaches otherwise, then how could they be better off?
3. We must also worship according to truth. John 4:24.
C. Simply being religious will not be enough to get one to heaven.
1. Matthew 7:21-23. “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’
2. Matthew 15:7-9. Hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy about you, saying: ‘ These people draw near to Me with their mouth, And honor Me with their lips, But their heart is far from Me. And in vain they worship Me, Teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’”
D. In some ways, people in man-made church are worse off because they have been convinced that they are alright.
VI. Question Six – “Why do we bow our heads when we pray?”
A. The Bible mentions several different postures in prayer.
1. Standing and kneeling.
2. While standing:
a) Arms upraised – 1 Kings 8:22
b) Head bowed – Luke 18:13
3. While kneeling:
a) Arms raised – 1 Kings 8:54
b) Prostrate – Matthew 26:39
B. Why do we often choose to say, “Please bow as we pray.”???
1. Luke 18:10-14.
“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other men—extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I possess.’ And the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
2. The tax collector had a humble attitude and would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven.
3. Bowing our heads is a way of showing submission, humility, and respect.
VII. Question Seven – “Outside of worship services, can a Christian listen to contemporary Christian music with instruments?”
A. Philippians 2:12.
Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
B. We know that instrumental music is wrong in a worship service.
C. Therefore, the question is really, “What constitutes worship?”
D. There are varying opinions:
1. Some say, “When I am listening to music on the radio, I am not worshipping. It is only for entertainment. Therefore, it isn’t wrong.”
2. On the other hand some feel, “If I am listening to a spiritual song that gets me thinking about God and even praising God, then, by definition, I am worshipping.”
E. I choose not to listen to spiritual songs that have instrumental accompaniment.
F. Others see nothing wrong with it.
G. One thing is sure… Romans 14:22-24.
Do you have faith? Have it to yourself before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin.
H. This is not an issue where we should draw lines of fellowship.
VIII. Question Eight – “Is there any evidence in the Bible to suggest that it would be wrong to go to the beach and for a man to wear only swimming trunks and a woman to wear a two-piece swimsuit?”
A. This is a question about modesty.
B. 1 Timothy 2:9-10.
In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.
1. Why is the command given to women?
2. Because men are affected a lot more by what women wear.
3. Men are stimulated visually.
4. Paul says that women are to dress in modest apparel.
a) So he is talking about what we wear.
b) We all know that it is wrong to go naked. Paul is not talking about that.
c) So think of it this way, if a two piece bathing suit is not immodest, what would be?
d) You can’t make it any more immodest. The next step is nudity.
e) If a 2 piece bathing suit is not immodest then nothing is.
C. What about men wearing only swimming trunks?
1. I am assuming we are talking about loose fitting, long shorts.
2. So the question is, “Is it wrong for a man to go shirtless?”
3. Definitely, the safest thing would be for a man to wear a shirt in the presence of women.
4. We need to think about the example we are setting.
5. “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.”
6. However, some would say that their going shirtless would not invoke lust on the part of any woman. Therefore, it is not wrong.
7. In my mind, this is an area where we all have to make a decision for ourselves and live with it.
IX. Question Nine – “What would Jesus or God think of what’s going on now?”
A. Hebrews 13:8.
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
B. God still hates sin.
C. God still loves the sinner.
D. God still wants all men to be saved. 1 Timothy 2:4.
Who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.
E. Perhaps, this question is asking, “Are things worse today then they have ever been?”
1. Certainly, sin is rampant and immorality is common.
2. However, I don’t think we’ve reached the conditions that existed at the time of the flood. Genesis 6:5. Then the LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.
The Husband’s Duties – Ephesians 05:25-29
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Text: Ephesians 5:25-29
Introduction
1. Our previous lesson argued that marriage is not an institution
a. Created and designed by man or the state
b. Subject to alteration by societal whims
2. But rather, that marriage is a sacred institution
a. Instituted by God in the beginning
b. Regulated by Jesus and His apostles in the Word of God
c. Reserved for sexual intimacy between a man and a women
3. Indeed, marriage is a successful institution
a. When we follow the Biblical injunctions concerning it
b. When members of the family fulfill their proper roles
c. Preventing marriage and family from becoming an emotional and psychological straitjacket, the proverbial ball and chain, and source of much strife and hurt in one’s life
4. What are those Biblical injunctions concerning the proper roles?
Body
I. LOVE YOUR WIVES!
A. HUSBANDS ARE TO LOVE THEIR WIVES
1. As Christ loved the church – Ephesians 5:25-27
a. He gave Himself for the church!
b. He nourishes and cherishes the church!
2. As they love their own bodies – Ephesians 5:28-29
a. Which they nourish and cherish
b. Which they handle with care
3. Free from bitterness – Colossians 3:19
a. That is, resentment or hate
b. Often accompanied with wrath, anger, clamor, evil speaking – Ephesians 4:31
B. HUSBANDS ARE TO LOVE THEIR WIVES
1. With “agape” love (active good will)
a. Which is commanded – Ephesians 5:25
b. Which is defined – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
c. The same sort of love we are to have toward God and all men
2. With “phileo” love (sentimental, affectionate)
a. As one would have for his own body – Ephesians 5:29
b. As parents would have for their children – Ephesians 6:4; 1 Thessalonians 2:7
3. With “eros” love (sexual)
a. Joining together as one flesh – Ephesians 5:31
b. Providing physical attention and affection due the wife – 1 Corinthians 7:2-5
4. Husbands have a duty to love their wives in every way!
II. RESPECT YOUR WIVES!
A. BY HOW YOU TREAT THEM
1. With understanding – 1 Peter 3:7
a. In an understanding way – 1 Peter 3:7 ESV
b. Be considerate – 1 Peter 3:7 NIV
c. Learn what makes her “tick”, and treat her accordingly
2. With honor – 1 Peter 3:7
a. Praise her in the gates – Proverbs 31:28
b. Put her on a pedestal
c. Do not ridicule her publicly
3. As to the weaker vessel – 1 Peter 3:7
a. Not that your wife may actually be the weaker vessel
b. Many wives are spiritually stronger, some physically stronger
c. But treat her “as” a weaker vessel (treat her like china, not steel)
B. BY HOW YOU VIEW THEM
1. As a fellow heir of the grace of life – 1 Peter 3:7
a. For whom Christ died
b. A beloved sister in Christ, worthy of respect
c. With whom you hope to spend eternity
2. As one who affects the efficacy of your prayers! – 1 Peter 3:7
a. How we treat others has a bearing on our prayers – Mark 11:26; Proverbs 21:13
b. God will not heed our prayers if we mistreat our wives! – Malachi 2:13-16
III. SUPPORT YOUR WIVES!
A. BY PROVIDING FOR THE FAMILY
1. The husband (and father) has the duty to provide for his family – 1 Timothy 5:8
2. Failure to do so is to deny the faith (the doctrine of Christ!) – ibid.
3. Unbelievers (and most creatures) provide for their own
4. A man should not take a wife unless he is willing and able to support her financially
B. BY LETTING HER CONTRIBUTE
1. The virtuous woman contributed much to the support of the family – Proverbs 31:16-19,24
2. A wise husband lets her contribute, and to be praised for it! – Proverbs 31:31
3. Of course, not to the neglect of her familial duties – Proverbs 31:21,27; 1 Timothy 5:14; Titus 2:4-5
Conclusion
1. The Christian husband is a man who
a. Loves his wife in every way
b. Respects his wife by how he treats her and views her
c. Supports his wife financially, emotionally, and spiritually
2. This is because the Christian husband is a man who
a. Is a Christian first, and a husband second
b. Gladly accepts the Biblical injunctions given to him as a husband
c. Looks to the Word of God and prayer for the strength he needs to fulfill his duty
3. When a man is a Christian husband
a. He is more likely loved and respected by his wife
b. She is more likely the sort of wife she should be
c. The children are more likely as they should be
4. In our next lesson, we shall consider the duties of wives.
Wisdom Regarding Marriage – Ecclesiastes 09:09
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Text: Ecclesiastes 9:9
Introduction
1. In this study, we will consider what it says about being a good spouse
2. The importance of this subject should be evident
a. Happiness in life is greatly affected by how successful we are in marriage
b. Even our usefulness to the Lord is affected by the relationship between husbands and wives
c. For example, a husband’s prayers can be hindered by his treatment of his wife
– Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. – 1 Peter 3:7
3. Appreciating the importance of a good marriage, let’s begin with that beautiful passage in Proverbs 31:10-31.
Body
I. THE VIRTUOUS WIFE
A. THE IDEAL WIFE
1. Trustworthy – Proverbs 31:11
a. The husband can safely entrust her with his income
b. She will not squander what he gives her, but use it in a manner that benefits them both
2. Filled with an enduring love – Proverbs 31:12
a. Devoted to doing her husband good all her life
b. Just as she vowed in the wedding ceremony
3. Has practical skills – Proverbs 31:13-15, 21-22
a. Such as sewing
b. And cooking
4. Industrious – Proverbs 31:16, 24
a. Makes investments (buys land and plants a vineyard)
b. Provides extra income (makes clothing and sells to merchants)
5. Compassionate – Proverbs 31:20
a. Helping the poor
b. Reaching out to the needy
6. Strong character – Proverbs 31:25
a. Character matters, and she has developed a strong one
b. Just as Peter stressed in 1 Peter 3:3-4
7. Speaks words of wisdom and kindness – Proverbs 31:26
a. She is thus concerned about what proceeds from her mouth
b. Just as Paul stressed in Ephesians 4:29
8. Diligently sees to her family’s need – Proverbs 31:27
a. Makes whatever preparation necessary – cf. Proverbs 31:15
b. So that her family does not go in want – cf. Proverbs 31:21
9. Fears the Lord – Proverbs 31:29-30
a. She understands that this quality is more important and praiseworthy than physical beauty
b. With the fear of the Lord, she has the potential for great wisdom – Proverbs 1:7
10. Such are the qualities of being a good spouse
B. WHAT A WIFE DOES NOT WANT TO BE
1. Contentious:
– Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. – Proverbs 21:9
– Better to dwell in the wilderness, Than with a contentious and angry woman. – Proverbs 21:19
2. Hateful:
– For three things the earth is perturbed, Yes, for four it cannot bear up: for a servant when he reigns, A fool when he is filled with food, a hateful woman when she is married, And a maidservant who succeeds her mistress. – Proverbs 30:21-23
3. Both make it where the husband does not want to be around her
[Enough about being a good wife; where can we go in Proverbs to learn about being a good husband…?]
II. THE VIRTUOUS HUSBAND
A. WHERE’S THE PASSAGE DESCRIBING THE VIRTUOUS MAN…?
1. A question often raised by women, sometimes suggesting there is none
2. But, bear in mind that the Proverbs are primarily addressed to the man!
a. There is half a chapter describing the virtuous woman
b. There are thirty plus chapters describing the virtuous man!
3. The entire book, if followed, produces a husband any woman would love
B. THE IDEAL HUSBAND
1. Values his wife highly:
– He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD. – Proverbs 18:22
– Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the LORD. – Proverbs 19:14
a. He realizes that she is a gift from God
b. Especially when she proves to be prudent
2. Gives his wife her due:
– Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates. – Proverbs 31:31
a. Allows his wife the opportunity to develop her own abilities
b. Lets her reap the benefits of her own labors
c. i.e., does not treat her simply as an appendage of himself
3. Praises his wife profusely:
– Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her: “Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all.” – Proverbs 31:28-29
a. Praises her frequently
b. Does not take her for granted
4. Trusts his wife implicitly:
– The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. – Proverbs 31:11
a. Demonstrates a willingness to trust her
b. In such areas as her intelligence, her faithfulness, her abilities
c. Is not jealous or suspicious
5. Content with his wife’s love – Proverbs 5:15-21 READ
a. Does not look elsewhere
b. Will save him and his family much harm
6. A few examples of how Proverbs can help a man be a good spouse
Conclusion
1. So much of the joy and meaning of life that God would have us enjoy is lost if there is not a good marriage
2. As Solomon wrote in another book of wisdom
– Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun. – Ecclesiastes 9:9
Hebrews 13:04 Sanctity of Marriage
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Text: Hebrews 13:4
Introduction
1. Marriage as an institution today is struggling
a. Many seek to redefine what constitutes a marriage
b. We hear of same-sex marriages, open marriages, polygamy, polyandry, polyamory
c. Others decry marriage altogether, preferring simple cohabitation
d. Many joke about it: Marriage is a wonderful institution – But who would want to live in an institution?
2. The family as an institution today is struggling
a. Husbands and wives often suffer strained relationships
b. Parents and children are frequently at odds with one another
c. Much misery in life is due to dysfunctional family relations
d. Some prefer that government assume the role of raising children
3. I believe much of the problem is due to self-centeredness in our society
a. People are told to look out for #1 in all their relations (business, family, etc.)
b. Thus many enter marriage and start families with selfish attitudes
c. Yet no relationship can exist peacefully and lovingly with selfish participants
4. The Bible has much to say about marriage and family
a. Especially in the teachings of Jesus and His apostles
b. That has helped many to have long-lasting, fulfilling relationships
c. Which can affect both our temporal and eternal happiness
Body
I. THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE DEFINED
A. THE MEANING OF SANCTITY…
1. Sanctity is defined as the quality of being holy, sacred
2. Thus it is common to speak of holy matrimony (i.e., sacred marriage)
B. THE SACREDNESS OF MARRIAGE
1. Marriage is one of the holiest of relations two people can have
2. Marriage is a bond created by God Himself, thus we must treat it as sacred
3. Marriage is not something to be entered into lightly
C. Is the idea of marriage as a sacred union a Biblical concept? What did Jesus and His apostles say about it?
II. THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE EXPLAINED
A. MARRIAGE WAS INSTITUTED BY GOD
1. From the very beginning, following the Creation – Matthew 19:3-4; Genesis 2:18-24
2. Designed for those created as male and female – Matthew 19:4
3. Whose union becomes one flesh – Matthew 19:5
4. Marriage is not a creation of the state, but of God Himself!
B. MARRIAGE IS REGULATED BY JESUS
1. Jesus has been given all authority, will be our Judge in all things – Matthew 28:18; 2 Corinthians 5:10
2. He taught that man may try to put asunder, but only God puts asunder – Matthew 19:7-9
a. One may legally divorce and remarry, but adultery can still occur – Matthew 5:31-32
b. God allows divorce only for fornication, and remarriage by the innocent – Matthew 19:9
3. He taught some might have to remain celibate (make themselves eunuchs) for the sake of the kingdom of heaven – Matthew 19:11-12
a. Because they had been divorced for adultery or unlawfully married
b. Or because they were single by choice, or never asked to be married
4. His apostle Paul had more to say concerning marriage:
a. Marriage is for life; marrying another while one’s spouse is alive is adultery – Romans 7:1-4
b. Each person is to have his or her own spouse, not shared – 1 Corinthians 7:2
c. Husbands and wives have certain duties toward one another – 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
d. One is not to divorce; if divorced, must remain single or return to spouse – 1 Corinthians 7:10-11
e. If an unbelieving spouse departs, a believer is not obligated to fulfill marital duties (but that does not necessarily imply they are free to remarry) – 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, 12-16
5. Jesus as Lord over all is the final Arbiter regarding marriage!
C. MARRIAGE IS RESERVED FOR INTIMACY
1. The only proper relationship for sexual intimacy (intercourse) is marriage – Hebrews 13:4
a. Not before the wedding, during courtship, but only after the wedding
b. Greatly simplifying the perennial question When is the right time?
2. Sex outside marriage is fornication
a. Fornication includes pre-marital, extra-marital, or same-sex relations
b. Such conduct can keep one out of the kingdom of God – 1 Corinthians 6:9-10
3. Pre-marital sex endangers having a successful marriage
a. The national divorce rate in the United States is over 40 percent
b. Couples who wait to have sex until marriage – and remain faithful – have a divorce rate of only 20 percent
c. Couples who have more sexual partners prior to or outside of marriage have a much higher rate of divorce
d. Those who have as many as five partners have only a 30 percent chance that their marriage will not end in divorce
4. A successful marriage requires mutual respect and trust
a. Courtship is the time to build respect and trust which will strengthen your marriage
b. If your potential spouse will sin with you before you marry…
c. …what assurance do you have they will not sin against you after you marry?
5. The sanctity of marriage is preserved when it alone is the realm of sexual intimacy
Conclusion
1. Marriage is not an institution
a. Created and designed by man or the state
b. Subject to alteration by societal whims
2. Marriage is a sacred institution
a. Instituted by God in the beginning
b. Regulated by Jesus and His apostles in the Word of God
c. Reserved for sexual intimacy between a man and a women
3. Marriage is a successful institution
a. When we follow the Biblical injunctions concerning it
b. When members of the family fulfill their proper roles