Historical Posts
Parenting Pitfalls
Even with almost two decades of experience, raising a son, I hardly feel qualified to offer any advice at all on the subject of parenting. The material in this article is compiled from many sources, both in print and on the Internet. The solutions to the problems mentioned are entirely Biblical. As I have said many times before: I am not a counselor, but I can tell you what the Bible says about whatever challenge you are facing.
Over Praising
It has been reported that many young adults enter the workforce with a profound sense of entitlement. They expect success, even if they have done little or nothing to earn it. Some assume that they will be quickly promoted, even if they have not yet mastered their job. Others think that they are special and deserve to be treated that way. They all become dejected when they find out that the world does not share their view.
Sometimes, this sense of entitlement can be traced back to how one was raised. Many parents have bought-into the idea that, if a little praise is good for a child, then a lot of praise must be even better. The modern crusade for self-esteem has taught parents that children must never be made to feel bad about themselves—no matter what. So, many parents lavish a constant flow of praise on their children and never admonish them, when they do something wrong. They teach their kids to feel good about themselves, instead of teaching them to accomplish things they can feel good about.
The Bible teaches that praise is appropriate when it is deserved (Matthew 25:19-21). But failing to teach children humility is depriving them of an essential ingredient in their character. “For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself” (Galatians 6:3). It is no wonder that the Bible says, “Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die” (Proverbs 23:13).
Over Protecting
It has been reported that many young adults enter the workforce with no ability to cope with adversity. Some a devastated by the slightest criticism. Others are finicky and will only accept jobs that meet their highest expectations. Some believe that this is the result of overprotective parenting. It is understandable that parents want to protect their children, but some take this desire to extremes. Your daughter failed a test? Demand that the teacher raise her grade. Your son received a traffic ticket? Pay the fine for him. A failed romance? Lay all the blame on the other person. These things will leave a child ill-prepared for the real world.
The Bible teaches us that adversity is a natural part of life. A wise man once said, “I returned and saw under the sun that – the race is not to the swift, nor that battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to men of understanding, nor favor to men of skill; but time and chance happen to them all” (Ecclesiastes 9:11). We must teach our children to emulate the example of Paul, who wrote, “for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content” (Philippians 4:11-12).
Over Providing
Go to the local high school and ask any young person what their most important goal in life is. Most of them are liable to say, “Getting rich.” The problem is that people who focus on the gain of material things are much less happy in life. They suffer a much higher rate of physical and mental illness.
This phenomenon can be traced to children being raised in a materialistic environment. From a desire to make children happy, some parents simply buy them whatever they may happen to want. This may make kids happy for a while, but it is not long before they will want something else. For this reason, many young adults bankrupt themselves in an attempt to acquire a lifestyle it took their parents a lifetime to achieve.
The Bible warns us against the desire to “get rich quick” (Proverbs 28:22). We owe it to our children to teach them that love of God is vastly more important than love of money. “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows” (1 Timothy 6:10). Instead, we must teach our children to be content with having the necessities of life and to be generous with what God has provided them (1 Timothy 6:8-9; Galatians 6:10).
Content by Russell Kline
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Faith within the Family
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Introduction
1. As Christians, we are privileged to be members of God’s family…
a. With God as our Father in heaven
b. With Christ as our Elder Brother
c. With many fathers and mothers, sons and daughters, brothers and sisters – cf. Mark 10:29-30
2. Even so, we also have duties as members of our human families…
a. As husbands and wives
b. As parents and children
c. As married and single
[What impact should our faith as Christians have on our physical families? What are our responsibilities as Christians who are blessed with familial relationships? Consider first…]
Body
I. THE CHRISTIAN AS HUSBAND AND FATHER
A. DUTIES OF THE HUSBAND…
1. Husbands are to love their wives – Ephesians 5:25-29
a. As Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her
b. As their own bodies, nourishing and cherishing them
2. Husbands are to leave mother and father – Ephesians 5:31
a. Leaving parents to be joined to one’s wife
b. The husband therefore gives his wife priority over his parents
3. Husbands are not to be bitter toward their wives – Colossians 3:19
a. “do not be harsh with them” – Colossians 3:19 ESV
b. “never treat them harshly” – Colossians 3:19 NRSV
4. Husbands are to be understanding and give honor to their wives – 1 Peter 3:7
a. Understanding their delicate nature
b. Honoring them as heirs together of the grace of life
B. DUTIES OF THE FATHER…
1. To provide the necessities of life – 2 Corinthians 12:14; 1 Timothy 5:8
a. Parents ought to provide for their children
b. A man who fails to do so is worse than an infidel
2. Not to provoke the children to wrath – Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21
a. That is, by unreasonable commands; by needless severity; by the manifestation of anger
b. Lest, by your continually finding fault with them, they should lose all courage, and despair of ever pleasing you
3. To provide for spiritual training of the children – Ephesians 6:4
a. Bringing them up in the training (discipline, Ephesians 6:4 ESV) of the Lord
b. Bringing them up in the admonition (instruction, Ephesians 6:4 ESV) of the Lord
4. To provide loving discipline as necessary – Hebrews 12:6-11; Proverbs 13:24
a. Even as our Heavenly Father disciplines His children
b. Though it may be unpleasant at the moment
[Such are familial responsibilities of Christian men as husbands and fathers. Now let’s consider…]
II. THE CHRISTIAN AS WIFE AND MOTHER
A. DUTIES OF THE WIFE…
1. Wives are to submit to their husbands – Ephesians 5:22-24; Colossians 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1-2
a. As to the Lord, as is fitting in the Lord
b. In everything, as the church is subject to Christ
2. Wives are to respect and love their husbands – Ephesians 5:33; Titus 2:4
a. Not just to submit, but to do so with respect and love for their husbands
b. Which older women should teach the younger women
B. DUTIES OF THE MOTHER…
1. To love their children – Titus 2:4
a. Which ought to be natural
b. Yet sin can lead to a lack of proper affection – cf. Romans 1:31
2. To manage the household – Titus 2:5; 1 Timothy 5:14
a. The primary responsibility of the wife and mother
b. Though a woman may also engage in activities outside the home – cf. Proverbs 31:10-31
3. To provide spiritual training when male leadership is lacking – 2 Timothy 1:5; cf. Acts 16:1
a. Timothy’s mother and grandmother were believers
b. Evidently his father was not, which is too often the case today
[Such are the duties of Christian women as wives and mothers. Next let’s take a look at…]
III. THE CHRISTIAN AS CHILD AND SINGLE
A. DUTIES OF CHILDREN…
1. To obey their parents – Ephesians 6:1; Colossians 3:20
a. In the Lord, for this is right
b. In all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord
2. To honor their parents – Ephesians 6:2-3
a. The first commandment with promise – cf. Exodus 20:12
b. By providing for their welfare in later years – cf. 1 Timothy 5:4, 8, 16
B. DUTIES OF THE SINGLE CHRISTIAN…
1. To utilize the advantage of being single – 1 Corinthians 7:32-35
a. Use your freedom to increase your service to God
b. Don’t be selfish with the extra time and freedom you have
c. Don’t begrudge others who may not do as much as you because of their other responsibilities (e.g., children, spouse)
2. To watch out for the dangers of being single – cf. Ecclesiastes 4:9-11
a. Temptation – make an effort to develop a close relationship with the Lord
b. Loneliness – accept invitations to be with others, initiate opportunities to be with others
c. Self-centeredness – offer yourself in service to others; be flexible
3. To remember that you are in the family of God – Mark 10:29-30
a. You have many mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, children
b. Make the effort to develop and utilize these relationships
[Finally, some remarks regarding discipleship as it relates to our familial relationships…]
IV. THE CHRISTIAN AS DISCIPLE
A. PUTTING THE LORD BEFORE THE FAMILY…
1. Of course, we are to love our parents, spouses and children
2. Yet our love for the Lord must come first – Matthew 10:34-37; 12: 46-50
a. Otherwise we are not worthy to be called His disciple
b. Only then will Jesus view us as members of His family
3. By putting God and His kingdom first, our families will benefit more – cf. Matthew 6:33
a. God’s providence will help provide for our families’ needs
b. We will also be better parents, spouses and children by following Jesus
B. PRESENTING THE LORD TO THE FAMILY…
1. By way of example – cf. 1 Peter 3:1-2
a. So wives were to influence their unbelieving husbands
b. So we can influence other unbelieving members of the family
2. By way of instruction – cf. Ephesians 6:4
a. So fathers were to instruct their children
b. So we can teach other members of the family
Conclusion
1. The nuclear family is a wonderful blessing, intended by God to consist of…
a. Husbands and wives who love and respect one another
b. Parents who love and discipline their children
c. Children who honor and obey their parents
2. As Christians, our familial duties are clear…
a. Whether as husbands or wives
b. Whether as parents or children
c. Whether as married or single
3. May our faith in Christ lead us to be the best spouses and parents, the best children and singles, we can possibly be
Content by Donald W. Treadway
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