Wisdom Regarding Marriage – Ecclesiastes 09:09

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Text: Ecclesiastes 9:9

Introduction

1. In this study, we will consider what it says about being a good spouse

2. The importance of this subject should be evident

a. Happiness in life is greatly affected by how successful we are in marriage

b. Even our usefulness to the Lord is affected by the relationship between husbands and wives

c. For example, a husband’s prayers can be hindered by his treatment of his wife

– Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. – 1 Peter 3:7

3. Appreciating the importance of a good marriage, let’s begin with that beautiful passage in Proverbs 31:10-31.

Body

I. THE VIRTUOUS WIFE

A. THE IDEAL WIFE

1. Trustworthy – Proverbs 31:11

a. The husband can safely entrust her with his income

b. She will not squander what he gives her, but use it in a manner that benefits them both

2. Filled with an enduring love – Proverbs 31:12

a. Devoted to doing her husband good all her life

b. Just as she vowed in the wedding ceremony

3. Has practical skills – Proverbs 31:13-15, 21-22

a. Such as sewing

b. And cooking

4. Industrious – Proverbs 31:16, 24

a. Makes investments (buys land and plants a vineyard)

b. Provides extra income (makes clothing and sells to merchants)

5. Compassionate – Proverbs 31:20

a. Helping the poor

b. Reaching out to the needy

6. Strong character – Proverbs 31:25

a. Character matters, and she has developed a strong one

b. Just as Peter stressed in 1 Peter 3:3-4

7. Speaks words of wisdom and kindness – Proverbs 31:26

a. She is thus concerned about what proceeds from her mouth

b. Just as Paul stressed in Ephesians 4:29

8. Diligently sees to her family’s need – Proverbs 31:27

a. Makes whatever preparation necessary – cf. Proverbs 31:15

b. So that her family does not go in want – cf. Proverbs 31:21

9. Fears the Lord – Proverbs 31:29-30

a. She understands that this quality is more important and praiseworthy than physical beauty

b. With the fear of the Lord, she has the potential for great wisdom – Proverbs 1:7

10. Such are the qualities of being a good spouse

B. WHAT A WIFE DOES NOT WANT TO BE

1. Contentious:

– Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. – Proverbs 21:9

– Better to dwell in the wilderness, Than with a contentious and angry woman. – Proverbs 21:19

2. Hateful:

– For three things the earth is perturbed, Yes, for four it cannot bear up: for a servant when he reigns, A fool when he is filled with food,  a hateful woman when she is married, And a maidservant who succeeds her mistress. – Proverbs 30:21-23

3. Both make it where the husband does not want to be around her

[Enough about being a good wife; where can we go in Proverbs to learn about being a good husband…?]

II. THE VIRTUOUS HUSBAND

A. WHERE’S THE PASSAGE DESCRIBING THE VIRTUOUS MAN…?

1. A question often raised by women, sometimes suggesting there is none

2. But, bear in mind that the Proverbs are primarily addressed to the man!

a. There is half a chapter describing the virtuous woman

b. There are thirty plus chapters describing the virtuous man!

3. The entire book, if followed, produces a husband any woman would love

B. THE IDEAL HUSBAND

1. Values his wife highly:

– He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD. – Proverbs 18:22

– Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the LORD. – Proverbs 19:14

a. He realizes that she is a gift from God

b. Especially when she proves to be prudent

2. Gives his wife her due:

– Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates. – Proverbs 31:31

a. Allows his wife the opportunity to develop her own abilities

b. Lets her reap the benefits of her own labors

c. i.e., does not treat her simply as an appendage of himself

3. Praises his wife profusely:

– Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her: “Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all.” – Proverbs 31:28-29

a. Praises her frequently

b. Does not take her for granted

4. Trusts his wife implicitly:

– The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. – Proverbs 31:11

a. Demonstrates a willingness to trust her

b. In such areas as her intelligence, her faithfulness, her abilities

c. Is not jealous or suspicious

5. Content with his wife’s love – Proverbs 5:15-21 READ

a. Does not look elsewhere

b. Will save him and his family much harm

6. A few examples of how Proverbs can help a man be a good spouse

Conclusion

1. So much of the joy and meaning of life that God would have us enjoy is lost if there is not a good marriage

2. As Solomon wrote in another book of wisdom

– Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun. – Ecclesiastes 9:9